Where Free Time Goes to Die

If you have some free time and like stupid flash computer games, I suggest checking out adultswim.com. If you're not familiar with Adult Swim, it is the segment of night time programming on Cartoon Network. They run some familiar shows like Family Guy (they used to run Futurama, but stopped for some reason...I'm thinking of starting a petition), but they also have off the wall original (I think) programs like Robot Chicken, Assy McGee, and Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law. Some shows are funny, some shows I don't care for, and some shows have too much Seth Green to even be watchable.

Anyway, adultswim.com has some really bizarre games to match its programming.

My favorites:

"5 Minutes to Kill (Yourself)", which helps you to virtually express your feelings of depression during an especially hard day at work.

"Amateur Surgeon Act 3", in which you can save scummy people by performing surgery with tools found in your pizza delivery truck.


"Bible Fight" is hilarious with biblical characters fighting one another to the K.O. You can have some real blasphemous fun with the characters' special moves, like the Virgin Mary's "Immaculate Deception", Noah's "Dove of Brutality", and Jesus' "Cross Smash".


These games are not recommended for the workplace.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

WARNING:
THIS POST MIGHT BE A SPOILER IF YOU'RE REALLY BAD AT GUESSING THE PLOT OF FORMULAIC MOVIES.

I saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull last night, and I was not disappointed. On the way out of the movie I overheard a group discussing it. One guy was complaining that the movie was terribly cheesy. Excuse me? Had he not seen at least one of the other three Indiana Jones movies? Because if he had, he would have realized that this movie fell into step with the 'cheesy' schtick of every other Indiana Jones. Of course, using a 66-year-old film star and reviving an almost 20-year-old movie legend made the movie a little more aware of itself, but the lame jokes and impossible feats were nothing more extraordinary than the past films.

This movie was fun, but I wouldn't recommend paying cinema prices to go and see it unless, like me, your parents are treating you to a night out on the town. If you enjoyed the other Indiana Jones movies I'd suggest renting Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Shia LeBeouf stars as Mutt Williams alongside Harrison Ford which might deter you from seeing this film. Something has bothered me about LeBeouf ever since the days of Even Stevens, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Oh yeah, it's his acting. He's actually tolerable in the film, playing a 1950s greaser who needs Indy's help to save his mom. LeBeouf's only special acting move, though, is to get tears in his eyes and that became rather tiresome.

There's a hint that LeBeouf might be the new Indiana Jones, or rather the new Mutt Jones (oops!). If I learned anything from the movie A.I., it's that Steven Spielberg does not know when to let a story end. I hope he lets the Indiana Jones series lie after Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and lets the original trilogy live on eternally through re-runs on the TNT channel.

On Repeat

This is in reference to an earlier post "Sad Little Moon."

I have the habit of listening to an album on repeat when I'm stressed or have a lot of homework to do. By "repeat" I don't mean two or three times. I mean, I will listen to an album over and over again until I realize five hours have passed and I should probably turn off my music altogether out of courtesy for my poor housemates who have also been listening to the same album and might like to get some rest.

Last semester John Vanderslice's Emerald City was my album of choice and I racked up well over a hundred plays (thanks, iTunes Play Count). This semester it has been all Magnetic Fields, all the time. I'm sure that will come as a shock to many of you.


Get Lost has received the prize for "Most Played" this semester. Many tracks are upbeat, but there are also a few ballads here and there. Either way, I rate this album most accessible out of the Magnetic Fields canon - or at least a close runner-up to I. I suggest playing "Why I Cry" and "When You're Old and Lonely" until your ears bleed.



The Wayward Bus/Distant Plastic Trees has been a long time favorite. This is a double-album with 21 tracks (including one track of silent intermission between albums) of mellow tunes sung by Shirley Simms. Recommended tracks: "Tokyo A Go-Go," "100,000 Fireflies," "When You Were My Baby," and "You Love to Fail."

If you'd like to enter a body-transcending trance in which you can sit for twelve hours while you write a paper due the next day, you should put either of these two albums on repeat and have at it. When you hit a wall, I suggest listening to Distortion and yelling "Three-way!" at the top of your lungs.

Buy a Car and Get a Gun

This is the most stereotypical American business deal I have ever come across. In Butler, Missouri, you can receive a free handgun with the purchase of a car from Max Motors.

Here's a blurb from the Fresno Bee:

"Salesmen at one Missouri car dealership aren't just kicking in a free CD player or factory air: They're offering a free handgun with every purchase. Through the end of the month, car buyers at Max Motors in Butler will have a choice - $250 toward either a gun purchase or gasoline.

General manager Walter Moore said that so far, most buyers have chosen the gun, adding that he suggests they opt for a semiautomatic model "because it holds more rounds."

(In the fine print, the ad on the Web site explains, 'Check written toward purchase price" and also mentions, "Approved Background Check REQUIRED!!')

Moore said he suspects his "Free Handgun" ad will draw protests in some places. But not in Butler, about 65 miles south of Kansas City.

Moore said, 'Down here, we all believe in God, guts and guns.'"

God help us all.

What I don't understand is the seemingly different representation of the car dealership when I made a Google search. This website is poorly designed, but it at least presents Max Motors as a legitimate and professional car dealership. This other website, however, gives the impression that Max Motors is owned by insane, gun-toting neo-conservatives who, by constant recitation of the Second Amendment, are better patriots than you. Oh, and they just happen to sell cars as well.

You can choose to receive a gas card instead of a gun because Max Motors is "aware of the gasoline and crime problem in America. Max Motors, the Country Dealer wants to be part of the solution and not part of the problem."

God, guts, and guns, huh? (sigh)

Well, at least a background check is required. We all know that stops the wrong people from purchasing guns.

Critical Imbroglio

Jordan is blogging here.

"Critical Imbroglio is a private blog that tends to focus on university life, literature, technology, and popular culture."

Movies You Should Read First

Here's a list from the Geeks of Doom of movies that are being adapted from books and coming out in 2008. The author recommends that you read the book before seeing the movie or at least read it eventually if you liked the movie. She also recommends additional books you might enjoy checking out.

A couple were obvious to me. I'm sure Prince Caspian, the Harry Potter movie, and Wanted will only be enjoyed thoroughly be viewers who have already read the book or graphic novel.

This list turned me on to a couple of new books that I'd like to add to my summer reading list. Chuck by Fight Club author, Chuck Palahniuk might be a fun read. And the descriptions of both Sex and the City, a series of essays by Candace Bushnell, and Midnight Meat Train, a thriller/horror novel (if the title didn't give that away), by Clive Barker intrigued me. I never really got into the show, but the Sex and the City book sounds much more interesting.

Sad Little Moon

I found this wonderful picture of Stephin Merritt this evening. It made me so happy that I thought I'd share it with you in lieu of studying.

Get Lost has gotten me through this finals week. More on that later.